Don’t Call Me Religious!!!

Okay, you guys. This is a burning… whatever you want to call it. My face squinches up whenever someone describes me (or even themselves) as “religious.” You know who was religious? The Pharisees. The Pharisees were religious. The religious people in the Bible were those who strictly abided by the law of Moses and were quick to punish someone who did not (like dragging a woman caught in adultery, who may not even have had clothes on, to Jesus [John 8:1-11]). Though in reality, they were pretty corrupt themselves. I don’t know too too much about them (I’ll probably write on them specifically when I get to the New Testament), but I do know that those were the people who were the ones who were trying to stone Jesus (who must have been an incredibly fast runner, by the way… always slipping away like that). JESUS, I said!! The One Who came to save! The religious people in the Bible were the ones who read the Word of God but when Jesus came and God’s Word “came true,” for lack of better words, they did not even (all) believe Jesus was the Messiah. (They were divided at certain points… In John 9 when Jesus healed a man born blind on the Sabbath and the man brought himself to the Pharisees, “Some of the Pharisees said, ‘This man Jesus is not from God, for he is working on the Sabbath.’ Others said, ‘But how could an ordinary sinner do such miraculous signs?’ So there was a deep division of opinion among them.” [John 9:16]) I don’t want to get too much into the religious people of the Bible because I have not read the New Testament in full and do not want to say anything that is not true. But I just wanted to give that “background information,” you could say.

The religious people today, to me, are the shake your finger, point your finger, tell you you’re “going to hell” if you don’t change, “God don’t like ugly”-saying, “God hates you if you’re xyz”-believing people. What IS that? We can’t speak for God UNLESS it is written in His Word (and we use that specific word correctly) or He directly (and sometimes indirectly, but we have to be careful) speaks to us. Romans 5:6-8 says, “For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (NKJV) If God did not love us or hated us for our sin, He never would have sent Jesus to die for us! God is the God of LOVE, not hate! So for someone, in my opinion, to say that God hates a person because of a sin they commit makes NO sense! Does God even say that He hates anyone in the Bible? Again, I’ve yet to read it in its entirety but in the Old Testament when He was warning the Israelites to not live as those He was driving out of the Promised Land in Deuteronomy, He says that He gives us the CHOICE of a blessing or a curse. God did not want to curse them! He LOVED them. The SINS the people were committing were detestable to God, NOT the people. How many times did the Israelites break the rules? How many times did God show His love and faithfulness? Mhm! Deuteronomy 23:4-5 says that though Balaam, son of Beor, was hired to curse the Israelites, he wasn’t able to. 5″But the LORD your God refused to listen to Balaam. He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the LORD your God loves you.” (NLT) And in Isaiah 1:18, God shows His love for us when He says, “‘Come now, and let us reason together,’ says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.'” (NKJV) LOVE! We are sinners by nature, therefore, everyone who has said, does say, and will say that commits sins as well! And a sin is a sin is a sin! If you break one Commandment, you have broken them all! James 2:10 says, “For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws.” (NLT) So no one could ever say that God hates you because you sin this way, but loves me because I only sin in this “little” way. And sin does not only come by breaking the Commandments. If a person knows that something- ANYTHING is wrong and then does it, that is a sin! James 4:17 says to “Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” Whether it is boasting in anyone but the Lord, not tithing (which is robbing from God, but there is so much more to tithing than just giving, so I may have to get into that later), swearing, becoming drunk, partying, etc. How many times do any of us do something feel the need to go through the ol’ have-fun-today-then-go-to-church-and-repent-on-Sunday process? Seriously, none of us can say that we are more right with God than anyone else. We do not know a person’s struggle and lifestyle like God does, nor do we even know our own like He does! God loves us IN SPITE of our sins! And He always has! That’s why He sent Jesus to SAVE us and DIE for us so that we may LIVE for Him then eventually live WITH Him! Amen! That deserves a “HALLELUJAH!”

But I think I have gotten off topic… haha. But basically, “religious” people, to me, are those who condemn, rather than convict. People who speak out of disgust to “change” a person, rather than out of love to help them. I am not religious. I can’t think of a word to describe my faith or relationship with God, but one thing’s for sure: “Religious” is not the word!

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Because It Happened

Smiling

Because it happened

Dancing

Because it happened

Laughing

Because it happened

Understanding

Because it happened

Thanking

Because it happened.

I never understood why someone would say, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Obviously my response was, “Why would I smile?? IT’S OVER.” But I’ve recently come to the better realization that God allows us to go through everything He puts us through for a reason. Whether it is something happy or sad, I’ve learned to rejoice. When I think about high school (goodness gracious), I can SMILE because everything that has happened taught me how to value myself, what to look for in a person, and helped me better understand what to expect in a male. When I think about the hard times my family has gone through, I can SMILE because everything that has happened has made me value my family even more and understand the importance of not only having a family, but BEING a family. When I think about my past relationship, I can SMILE because everything that has happened has taught me an unbelievable amount of things about myself, my relationships, and about really listening to God. When I think about “David,” we’ll call him, I can SMILE because everything that has happened taught me to STOP, look at the situation, look at my motives, look inside myself, know my self-worth, think and consider everything about the other person, and to really, above all else, focus on God. I did not understand anything at first and I still do not understand everything now, but I’ve learned something so important about myself, people, and other vital things.

I can smile through everything. YOU can smile through everything! And why not do it? What’s frowning ever gotten anyone? Wrinkles, darling. Wrinkles.

So smile. 🙂

Gender Roles

I feel like this page is evolving… I haven’t had the need to post any releases lately (as in since… whenever the last time was that I posted one) but we’ll see where this goes!

So in one of my English classes, we read a play and have to do a context research assignment on the early 1900s. We all got to choose our topics and I chose “women.” Pretty huge, so I split it up into three different subtopics: Women’s roles, the view of women, and domestic violence.

Women’s roles in the early 1900s were what they still are now: Keeping the house, caring for children, and (contrary to today) staying at home (if the woman was single or if her husband was not making enough money).

The view of women was… I can’t even think of a word. Incompetent, to say the least. Men didn’t need women, women were seen to have simple minds and needed men!

Domestic violence, I’ve come to the conclusion, didn’t exist. If your husband hit you, he hit you.

Now, here’s my take on gender roles (women specifically), regardless of the year. Women should keep the house together and care for the children, naturally. But I mean she needs to like DO IT do it. When I am blessed with my man of God and a fabulous marriage, oh my goodness… It will be just… ah! Haha. When my husband comes home, there is going to be dinner (or lunch) waiting for him, always. When he wakes up in the morning, he will have breakfast ready, always, regardless of the time I have to be somewhere. The house will always be kept clean. So clean, dirt and dust will look at it and won’t even want to mess it up! A woman should always keep the house (and children, if there are any) together and make it a haven for her man.

I’ve been viewed as a lowly woman before, so I’m not sure how to take my own personal view of how I’d like my future husband to see me, or how any husband should see his wife for that matter. I know that he should respect the fact that she indeed is the weaker vessel, even if she does not want to admit it. He should care for her, remember that she is delicate, and treat her with complete delicacy. I will say, though it may rage a person or two, that when a woman gets out of line, she should be reminded of her position in the marriage. I can’t say what that reminder should be (simply because I do not know), but the woman should never try to be the man. It just doesn’t work that way.

Domestic violence. Hmm… I guess this goes into the woman being reminded of her position. But obviously, this is to an extreme… I don’t know. I mean, if you’ve read my older posts, you know that I’ve been abused but it seemed… necessary? I don’t know, I don’t want to sound crazy but it just seems like that’s how it is. Now, in NO way am I condoning this or saying that it is “essential” for marriage or to keep the woman in her place. Not at all. I’m just saying, that’s what I’m used to. I feel like sometimes it’s just inevitable. Maybe? I don’t know. Maybe one day I’ll see different.

So those are my opinions! 🙂

Great Friends

Great Friends

This past Saturday, my friend asked my how my Valentine’s Day was. I told him it was just a regular Thursday. So later that day before he left work he surprised me with this. Chocolate and a granola bar? My favorites!
Great friends. 🙂

Again…

This semester is trying to kill me. On my first day of english, I found out that we were reading “Little Red Riding Hood.” Fine by me, right? However, we were reading the original version, written in 1697 (along with other 17th century versions). It is all about sex. And staying away from “wolves” that cause trouble, but this trouble is being “eaten.” I remember the first day I came to the class, I so desperately wanted to walk out. Things like this make me so mad. But praise the Lord, we are finally done with that story.

But now, oh NOW, in my other english class, we are discussing slavery. When you are discussing slavery, the terms “slave” and “master” get thrown around a lot. I don’t like that… Not to mention, one of the books we are discussing deals with a master trying to get his female slave to submit sexually to him. I hate this so much. I have been trying to work on an essay for this class and for about the past hour and I have not been able to focus because of this. It makes me think about everything… I hate it so much.

During times like this, I really have to lean on the Lord. My flesh so deeply desires to have a male to run and talk to for the physical support and comfort, but I know that’s not what I need. I need to run to God and pour out everything to Him. He is the only one Who can bring healing: mind, body, and spirit. God, I need You… Te necesito otra vez. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep, wake up in Heaven, and just be there, lying in Jesus’ arms. Oh, how wonderful would that be! Nothing could ever bother me after an encounter like that. I know I have to trust in the Lord and really study His Word but of course, I’m at war. My spirit says to go to the Lord. He is my strength and my Strong Tower. My flesh says to go talk to someone. Someone who can make me “feel better.” Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to a man or woman of God for help. Goodness gracious, I don’t know where I would be without some of the lovely ladies I go to. But something’s telling me to go back to someone who will give me the same temporary satisfaction that requires a daily fill-up. No. Absolutely not. Seriously, ew. But something inside me wishes that there was a male that I could talk to. Someone who knows what respect is, gives it, deserves it, and knows that I do too. But I can’t tell if that’s selfish or not. I can’t tell if that’s my own fleshly desire or if that really should be my go-to for godly counsel. I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anyway, I guess.

Leaning on the Lord. I can’t let this attack take me.

All Is Well

So I’m over it. I’m over this whole thing… If God says, “Yes” then GREAT. If God says, “No” then I’ll have someone even better. It is silly to sit and wait on someone with no guaranteed promises. But I am fine… three weeks later, I am fine. Funny how we were three weeks talking then three weeks for me to be fully alright! I do miss it though. It was nice while it lasted. It gave me a reason to smile, and maybe that was its sole purpose. Now I am just waiting for God to give me an even BIGGER reason. Whether it is him or someone else. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore… I’d never deny God’s blessings!! 🙂

Maybe you think I am taking this too seriously. I mean, it was just three weeks. But you don’t understand. I felt something that I have never felt before. It was respect. Now by no means did I like him because of respect. Because what if that went away? Would I still like him? Anyway, I like(d) him because of everything he (is and) was. Along with his cuteness. There were things I did not like, of course, but man… I really thought, and still think, that he was something. But back to taking this too seriously. I am going to make this loud and clear:

I am not looking for a boyfriend.

A boyfriend, in my mind, is someone you spend time with, hold hands with, kiss with, make stupid mistakes with, then break up with. If I wanted that then… I don’t even know. It’s silly to me. I am waiting for God to send me the one who I will give myself to, who will take me, and who I will spend my entire life cherishing. I think I’ve said this before but I am not looking to get married tomorrow or anytime soon. But to know who I am going to marry would mean so much to me. Fortunately though, I know God is preparing a mighty man for me. That itself allows me to sit in the comfort of knowing that one day, he will come. Maybe I’ve met him already, maybe I have yet to, but I will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will come. I’m not worried. 😉

A Victorious Haunting

I feel so disgusting. The one who… did everything messaged me yesterday with a long and sincere apology. He was already forgiven, but he told me everything that needed to be said and that I needed to hear. I thought I was one step closer to healing.

But the memories are still coming back. Not just the violent ones- it is everything. I don’t understand why they won’t go away. I mean, this all wasn’t too long ago but it’s not like everything happened yesterday. I feel like isolating myself sometimes and just releasing everything. But I know that doesn’t lead to healing. It’d make me feel better for a little while but since when does crying solve anything?

But still, I HATE feeling this way. I don’t understand why everything is still here… and I hate being all sad and depressed like this. It’s embarrassing. I’d much rather smile. I don’t know. I just wish this haunting would stop. Earlier, I was in the zone! Listening to alabanzas and baby music (I love my Praise Baby!), doing homework, and the only thing that was distracting me was GOD and all His goodness. Then all of a sudden! Ugh, that’s the enemy right there. he doesn’t like me happy and focusing on God (though that goes without saying). No wonder these memories “just so happened” to be whispered in my ear. But it’s fine. I am victorious, for I am on the RIGHTEOUS side and I am never letting go of the LORD. And I won’t cry… Oh no, I will not shed a tear. I will praise. I will laugh. I will dance. I will pray. I will rejoice. I will smile. I will lift my head. I will look to God.

“I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2