Man of Steel & Hearts of Gold

I saw Superman (lots of biblical references and connections, btw) yesterday… ah may zing. Everyone go see it! And Star Trek (“Beam me up, Scotty!”) 😀

I saw it with someone and this someone just messed up… It wasn’t a male, don’t worry. It was a female relative.

Random: I am texting this guy I had a crush on in high school (LONG gone and never coming back) and told him I spent the day cleaning and he said that I’m “such a good little girl.” Do not ever call me that.

So anyway, back to things! 🙂 We went and it just was not what I thought it would be. Surprisingly, the only person I wanted to talk to was the guy from the beginning of the year. Strange, right? Hmm…

Age does not bring maturity. Not in the least… not in the least.

You’d think after a while (like say, 30) someone would get tired of the childish things. Sneaking around, messing around, risking getting caught and in trouble. Like what are you doing? *sigh* It’s easy to say, “One day, (s)he’ll learn,” but after a while you start wondering, “…When?”

But that’s where God comes in. All we have to do is trust Him with our situation and the person or people we are praying for and know that He knows best. Aaaaand that’s about it. Great, huh? God’s got everything under control. Muy bueno. Bueno es Dios. 🙂

Blessed!

Blessed!

So I’ve wanted a red punch-buggy convertible for years… at least three. The car I used to drive died on the parkway at about 10 pm on a Sunday while I was driving home from a wedding alone. Clearly, I wasn’t too happy… About a month later, my dad and I bought a new(er) car. He told me that he was getting a Ford Focus, which I didn’t mind. ANYTHING was better than a ’91 Volvo 240.

He woke me up at 6 in the morning one day and said he needed my help outside. (Thank GOD I didn’t give him lip, right?) I walk out and he is outside recording me with the key in his hand. Mind you, it is 6 in the morning and I cannot scream at all.

He asked me a few weeks ago (while he was planning this whole thing) if I would want any other color besides red and what I would do if it wasn’t a convertible. I eventually said that silver was too boring and that I do not want that color at all and if I don’t get a convertible right away, it’s really no big deal. But you guys… I have the cutest car EVAR. I cutified it too, btw. There is now a bumblebee antenna topper, daisy magnets on its booty, a “JESUS RULES!” license plate frame, a daisy and cute beetle steering wheel cover, an orange daisy in the flower holder, and one of those solar-powered dancing daisies on the dashboard… and I have a TomTom set in George W. Bush’s voice! Haha, it is sooo cute! I wanted to get eyelashes but I’ve decided that it is a boy (whose name is Sonni) and boy cars do not have pretty eyelashes. So yeah… haha.

Also, it has a manual transmission so I officially know how to drive STICK Y’ALL. I’m not a pro, of course, but I am gettin’ better! 🙂

Yaay! Here’s to having the best daddy in the whole wide world! ^_^

…Safety!

He Came For This

I was just thinking… about my new and current “problem.” How I can’t get it right and how I’ve tried and I’ve tried but still, I come to fail… which stinks. Big time.

But then I thought to myself, ‘Wait a second.’ Then I imagined Jesus telling me and trying to get through my hard head, “This is what I came for!

I knew you couldn’t get it right no matter how hard you tried. THAT is why I came. Not so you could be perfect all the time! I came to earth, hung on a cross, and DIED for YOU so YOU could be FORGIVEN of EVERY SINGLE FAULT and slip-up that you’ve EVER made, that you’re making, and that you ever will make. This is what I came for!

Dear God… Oh, thank you, Jesus.

How can I ever repay you, Jesus? (If that were a serious question, I’d like to think that God might chuckle.) I can’t repay you. That is why I offer my sacrifice of praise. That is why I strive for physical and mental purity. That is why I rejoice in my sorrow, my suffering, and my mistakes because I know that he came to earth to wash away every single stupid thing I’ve done… and that YOU’VE done! That the entire world has done! Immanuel! How awesome is that?! Go Jesus!!

Dominated.

I’ve wanted to write so many times over these past few weeks. Everything I wanted to write about it, though, I felt like everyone was getting tired of it. But then I remembered, “This is my blog!” So here we go…

I’d like to blame it all on myself. I’d like to say that I could have avoided everything.

I’d like to blame it all on my emotions. I’d like to say that I just wasn’t thinking clearly.

But I must say that I don’t think I realized what I was doing… and if I did, I didn’t realize the extent… and oh, if I did, I didn’t realize the cost.

I feel like I’m not myself anymore. Well, I am myself, for sure. But when no one’s looking…? I can’t seem to figure it out.

When a girl has been “taken advantage of,” she has two options:

1.) Become a whore/prostitute.

2.) I can’t remember.

I’d like to think the second one is to stick with what you know. If all you know or if all you remember is someone taking complete control of you, forcing you, fooling you, yet at the same time taking care of you, would you run away? If you found anything else that doesn’t match up to that, you’re bound to be anxious, wondering when it will come, or you’ll find yourself shocked at how much you like something so different. Something that is always nice and always sweet.

However, once that nice sweetness goes away, you wouldn’t find someone who will treat you like that. No… you’d go back to what you know. Why? I don’t know… it’s just all you know to do.

So when you find yourself back to what you know, and you realize that this is not where you want to be, you find it next to impossible to leave. Again, it’s all you know. So when you try, you’re reminded of what IT is that you know. It’s not nice, it’s not sweet, it’s not gentle, it’s not forgiving. It’s hard, it’s intense, it’s rough, and it’s merciless. You are then reminded of your position: powerless, weak, and inferior. You are incapable of doing anything about the situation other than writing about it weeks later just to get a little bit of release. You don’t even know what specifically happened because your mind is not allowing you to remember. You just know what happened. It was almost completely erased from your memory in fear that you may begin to feel some form of anxiety or nervousness when you even think about the fact. Turns out that it’s not what happened that is worrying you, it’s what might happen… with that person or anyone else.

There’s no “proper” way to end this… so this will do.

What Happened?

I don’t know what happened.

Well, maybe I do… One second everything is good and fine and the way it should be. The next, I find myself locked in a similar and seemingly no-way-out room that I opened the door to.

However… now I am in a completely different room. I don’t recognize this place. I’ve never seen it before.

When my eyes are closed, I love this room. I never want to leave this room. This room is everything I want it to be.

But when I open them, I hate this room. All I want to do is leave this room. This room is everything I want to escape.

Every time I reach for the door, something whispers sweetly in my ear. Then sometimes I can actually open the door and as I’m trying to make my way… I find myself with one leg in, one leg out.

Even when I think the door has completely been closed, locked, and destroyed, I open my eyes to find myself in there again.

I don’t know how I ended up here. But oh God, I need You to pull me out.