Flooooooo-RI-duhhhhh

Has anyone ever been to Florida? I’ve recently come back from Orlando. My first time in the state and with my two best friends. 🙂 We stayed at Liki Tiki Village, a resort.

We went to St. Pete’s beach and it is so beautiful!! White sand, warm water that you can see in, warning signs saying to shuffle your feet just in case you step on a sting ray, seagulls that steal your food, clear skies, jumpable waves, and salt water than could dehydrate your entire body in one swallow. Oh yes… it was awesome!

Our resort was so nice. We had a one-bedroom room with one bedroom (of course), a bathroom (duh), washer and dryer, refrigerator (we had to buy the food), stocked cabinets, dishwasher, sink, dish rack, oven, stove, two televisions, couch with a pull-out bed (that’s where I slept), and a porch with a perfect view of the pool with their mini-mini-water park.

Disney was a no. $100+ just to get in? Yeah, no. But we did go to Downtown Disney and Universal City Walk! Those were great. 🙂

Both flights were very nice. The ride back seemed to be shorter, but maybe I fell asleep[?] Anyway, on the way there one of the flight attendants kept messing with one of my friends (we flew separately) and both pilots were so funny. Are they supposed to be to relax the riders? ‘Cause I know I was (and always am) NERVOUS for take-off. Love the view and turbulence though!

We didn’t see any crocodiles like some guy working their said we would. :/ But one of my friends did find a palmetto bug in our bathroom! If you don’t know what that is, IT’S A COCKROACH! A FLORIDA COCKROACH! lsdkjfoaiwjfoj lkdj >.< We ran out, to cut to the point, called our friend’s stepdad, had him come in and look around, spray some stuff, and I chose to sleep in the bedroom with them that night.

We got “turnt up” one night while being high up on sugar and sparkling cider. Oh yeah. Then we watched, ‘The Hunger Games’ and some guy who worked there who gave us sheets came back to our room, posed at the door, and asked my friend for her number. Very funny! Oh, and we built a fort. 😉

EVERYTHING is bigger down south! The birds are HUGE and they just walk around all carelessly and no one but the tourists seem to care. The people are a little bigger… The bugs?? -> -__- (That’s an arrow pointing to a mad face, if you can’t tell).

One of my friend’s little sisters (who are 7 and 9) kept asking me to be their godmothers. The 9 year-old eventually gave up but the 7 year-old was pretty persistent and insisted on sitting next to me, walking with me, holding my hand-all of which I was okay with-and… calling me, in public, “mommy.” Not so okay with that one…!

On our last night there, I made dinner for my friends (while sporting my sequined Minnie Mouse ears and Minnie apron-skirt-type-thing). We went shopping so I had to try to make everything! We had salad with balsamic vinaigrette dressing (first time I had it and it was AMAZING), tortellini with white sauce, I cut up some chicken for the salad and pasta, and… I made something else… what was it… oh! Rice. I know that is so bad but we had to get rid of our food so we didn’t have to throw it out! Anyway, I Googled how to set a table and set it up all pretty. 🙂 In the wine glasses, though, I put sparkling cider. It looked so pretty! I’ll post a picture. We didn’t have salad forks though!

GOLDEN CORRAL.

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Heart of the Matter – i.a

I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if… even if you don’t love me anymore

“Over it.”

I keep finding myself saying that I forgive you, but I don’t. I’ve realized that I always move on from things and stop thinking about them… but of course they always catch up with me. I think I forgive you, then I’m mad at you all over again.

The truth is, I don’t know how to forgive. I say someone or something is forgiven but really, I believe, I just push it out of my mind so I don’t think about it and so I don’t hurt from it. Maybe that’s it. I just don’t want to feel pain (like everyone else in the world, right?). Well, I don’t want to have to go through and truly heal from something that pained me. I’d much rather just forget it ever happen then move on, but everything will catch up with you in the long run. Feelings, mistakes, grudges… I want to forgive him but I don’t know how. And I don’t want to put the blame on him or anyone but it is because of that very situation that I have no idea of how I am going to trust a male who seems interested in me. How do I know he’s not going to end up being a jerk? How do I know he’s not going to try to take advantage of me, physically or emotionally? How do I know he’s not just going to walk away from the whole thing, no words said…? It’s like there is cynicism rising up within me whenever a guy says, “Hello.” Like I said, I want to forgive him, but I don’t know how. God, please help me.

Anxious…

Okay so you all know by now that I am transferring to an out-of-state school this August. Honestly, lately I have become so scared and so nervous. I have never been away from home before! Well, I have been the only time I’ve been away from my family is when I went to the Dominican Republic for a week in 2011 for a mission trip, but even then I was with my church family soo… doesn’t really count!

I am very excited about leaving but whenever I think about it, I get so sad. 😦 Like how could I leave?! But how could I not? Hmm… I just pray that this anxiety goes away. I don’t want to spend my first night crying or on the phone with my dad, haha.

Well, we’ll see how it goes…

MEN!

I LOVE MEN!!!

Okay, now to clarify: I do indeed love men. By “men,” I mean males who hold themselves accountable, who are responsible, respectful, worthy of respect, always doing what’s right even if they stand alone, strong even in weakness, leaders, godly… It’s too late to get into it but my goodness gracious. Men are awesome.

And no, I don’t get weak in the knees whenever I see a godly man. They are just… awesome! I respect them to the utmost.

What I Want < What I Need

I never want what I need! Always longing for what I shouldn’t have! I do want what I need but I never want it with who or what I need. Does that make sense? It depresses me sometimes! Seriously… Then when I get what I need it turns into something I don’t need so I end up wanting what I shouldn’t have! So I’m convinced that when I actually do get what I need, I won’t even want it. I mean, of course! *sigh* Am I even making sense?

Alright, enough of that.

Always Remember

Always remember where you started from.

I care so much about my sisters. So when I see them doing even the slightest thing that’s not alright, I want to nip it in the bud and of course, I want to do it my way (which is not always the nicest way). Two of my sisters have recently turned 17 and trust and believe that they are 17. When I was 17, I was not who I am now. So when I see them starting to do things I’ve done, no doubt I want to step in and kill it then and there, but I come off as rude or mean all the time… I never mean to but that’s just how it happens.

have to remember that this is not my job. I am not their mother. I am their sister. Yes, it’s okay to offer advice and let them know if something is too short or too low but it’s not for me to do. That is definitely the hardest thing for me to remember… I am always trying to fix something like it’s my job… but it’s not! If I hadn’t done the silly things I’ve done then I wouldn’t be able to point it out in my sisters. I am living and learning, just like they are.

God will get things done in His timing. Duhh! 😉 Just trust Him and know that what HE wants and that HIS will is far better than what I want and my “will.”

Life lessons, life lessons.