Another Man

Here we go.

I’m more of a “one-and-done” kind of person… I’ve been in one other country besides the United States (that would be the Dominican Republic, of course) and I have no desire to go anywhere again (besides Mexico, of course, and Spain for my honeymoon :)). I was trying to figure out where I should go for my study abroad and there are multiple options, and I figured I should go somewhere other than back to the Dominican but I don’t want to. I fell in love with the place! I’m sure other places are lovely, but my heart is there. On the silly side of this, a while ago my friend suggested that I create an account on Spotify and said that it is so much better than Pandora, but I couldn’t! I said, “I can’t! It feels like I’m cheating on Pandora!” I’m sure it’s nice, but I’ve got my Internet radio app taken care of. On a serious but still slightly silly note, I’ve started reading the ESV translation of the Bible, though I normally read the NLT when I’m reading in English. I really like the ESV, and sometimes better than the NLT, but I just can’t do that to the NLT! We’ve been together so long. 😛

So what am I saying? I was thinking almost all day that belonging to another man is not something I want to do. Of course it’s going to happen, God willing because I do not plan on being single for the rest of my life, but it really wasn’t my plan. Just the thought makes me a bit uncomfortable. Someone else kissing me and touching me and loving me and the vice versa… It’s strange and very foreign. I would go more into detail, but in all, really, what’s the point? :/ Things will get better though. They have to.

Dream Of Me

Let me sleep
For when I sleep, I dream that you’re here
You’re mine and all my fears are left behind
I float on air the nightingale sings gentle lullabies
So let me close my eyes
And sleep, a chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch, to kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon shine softly on the man I long to see
And maybe when he dreams, he’ll dream of me

I hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away, dream away
A dream away

So let the moon shine softly on the man I long to see
And maybe when he dreams he’ll dream of me
Oh, dream of me

Everyone needs sappy song lyrics.

Talk to Her – i.a

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to you mama
Don’t get smart with her, have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would with your daughter

‘Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday

She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

Now when you go to her, speak truthfully
Be honest as you can be, from your heart
You’re in a situation, where you’re losing patience
Take some time and look her in the eye

When you just can’t find the words you want
And it’s hard to reach the point

Where you both can understand
Don’t just tell the truth
Tell the whole truth
It’ll make a better man out of you

It doesn’t matter if she’s wearing
A mini skirt or a business suit
Whether she’s 25 or 99,
Treat her the way your mama taught you to

She could be the Queen of Sheba
She could be a school teacher{!}
Homemaker or a lawyer

Now let’s keep it real
Nothing in this world could ever exist
Without its opposite:
There has to be a sun and moon
A man and a woman
And that’s just the way it is

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Just like you fight for your sister
If you knew that somebody dissed her

How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama?
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interrupt while she speaks

Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny

If you really loved then say so
If you really needed then say so
Love the way she thinks, say so
You love the way she speaks, say so
When you need some good conversation, say so
If you want her in your life, say so
You want her to be your wife, say so
Tell her she’s your best friend- say so
You’ll be there to the end- say so
If you’re thinking about leaving, say so
If you wonder where she’s going, say so
If you need to breathe with her, say so
You just want to be with her, say so
If you love her hair, SAY SO 🙂
If you want her there, say so
Tell her if you really wanted her- say so
If you feel like loving, say so

This song played (by india.arie) while I was studying and I had to stop to post it…I’m at a loss for words with this song.

Look At Me

Look at me
Look into my eyes
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?
Or has the world got you down on your knees?
Come to me

Look at you
Look into your heart
Tell me, is there room for you to make a brand new start?
Or has the world gotten to you and made you dark?
Come to me

‘Cause when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away
And when you laugh, who you think got you that way?
And when you dream
When you wake up, is it me you want to see?

Look at us
Look around the world
‘Cause all you seem to find are unhappy boys, unhappy girls
And tell me, is that what you want for you and me?
Don’t you want to be happy?

‘Cause when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away
And when you laugh, who you think got you that way?
And when you dream, babe
When you wake up, is it me you want to see baby?

Look at me
Look into my eyes
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?
Or has the world got you down on your knees?
You can come to me

You know you can always come to me

It’s not the same.

Are you ever really healed?

Once someone uses your body just for his pleasure, are you ever healed?


Once someone uses your body just for his pleasure, are you ever the same?


Simple reminiscent thoughts could come to mind and all of a sudden you’re that scared girl again: anxious about what’s to happen, nervous as anything, using your arms and legs to cover your exposed self, and frozen with fear. You go back to remembering that just before this very encounter you were feeling confident and strong. But now, it seems as if all of that has gone out the window.

I remember I did feel very confident once. Yes, I remember. He came to see me and I felt so strong, knowing… thinking that I would have the upper hand and wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to. But the moment he got close to me, the moment he started speaking to me with that voice in that way, the moment he touched me, the second he gripped my neck, it was all gone. It was like I hadn’t even had it in the first place.

Something tiny, something so small that I can’t even remember, was all it took to be back there. To be nervous and scared and inferior and without all power. There is pleasure in it, but only because it’s the only time in the world I feel wanted. But that’s not what I want.

The Writer of Love Stories

She is beautiful, but no man sees her. She is sweet, kind, and loving, yet the other women who run after men are always chosen, instead of her.

Oh beautiful woman, if only you knew that you are hidden and cherished by the Writer of love stories, the One Who is preparing you for a wonderful future.

He sits alone. The kind, caring one who honors the hearts of women and shows what true manhood is. Saving his heart for a lifetime woman, not willing to settle for a moment’s pleasure. Yet the “bad boys” always seem to win the princess, as he quietly waits for his queen.

Oh kind man, if only you knew that you are reserved for the best. If you only knew that God is planning a helpmeet perfect for you, for you are chosen and set apart.

Don’t you know that true love waits? Oh yes. True love waits for all things. Through all things, true love waits.

Tutti Frutti Lovesong

 You are my darling CUMQUAT,

Oh, you’re my PEACHy pie,

I think you are the BERRIES,

The APPLE of my eye.

Don’t make me MELON-choly,

Please be my HONEY DEW,

‘Cause oh, my sweet PAPAYA,

I’m BANANAS over you!

I would be oh, so GRAPEful

If you’d just say you care,

For it takes two to MANGO,

And we’re a PEACHy PEAR.

Oh, ORANGE you a little

COCONUTS for me too?

Please say you’ll be mon CHERRY,

I’m so GUAVA over you.

– Mary Grace Dembeck

I selected this poem for my Children’s Literature class… You can’t tell me this isn’t adorable!

It’s coming.

It’s time to face reality.

Stop looking back. What’s there but pain and regret? You may find happiness but that happiness is gone, and honestly, it may not ever be coming back.

Look ahead. You have no idea of the wonders God has for you. Just keep looking towards Him.

And don’t be like me. Don’t try to conjure up a wonderful new fantasy of your life ahead. Just stop. Wait and see.

Don’t look back. Don’t create an imaginary future that may not even come true.


Coming Home

This must just be a thing now.

Whenever I come home, I learn something new about myself. Something that needs to be stripped away and that I need to get rid of.

I catch myself always saying that “I don’t like guys.” Literally, it’s said all the time and I never knew out why. Until the LORD brought it to my realization. Praise God because that one really made no sense. So…

…I realized tonight on my ride home (you know when you’re driving home late at night and you just start thinking about life?) that it is not that I dislike “guys.” It’s that I’m afraid. When it came to teenagers (when I was one) and young men, saying, “No” became a constant thing that either didn’t matter or rarely changed anything. And when I said, “Yes,” I soon realized that it was all for nothing and found myself left even more broken than before.

So I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what a man can do to me physically and emotionally. It’s not like every man in the world has done something to me, but it’d be nice to meet someone who can show that not every man in the world will hurt you.