To Be Loved

Very often I find myself wanting to pray for God to send me “the one.” Every time, shortly after, I realize that no matter how much or how hard I pray, it’s all going to happen in God’s timing anyway. I could pray day after day, but if God doesn’t want “him” to come until next year, “he” won’t come until next year, and that’s the end of it.

But more than anything, all I want is for things to have played out differently. I wish my words and my actions and my thoughts were different. I wish I could rewind time and do certain things all over again. But don’t we all…?

We have to remember that we’re never the only lonely person in the world, even though it sometimes seems that way.

I try to remind myself that true love is only and can only be found in God. God is love. If we look to any person for it, we will inevitably become disappointed and perhaps even needy. We don’t want that.

If you want to find love, read the Gospel of John- John is all about love. Or read 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. You know, there is love everywhere and all around us and we fail to realize it all the time. Emmanuel is His name! “God with us.” If God is love then love is always with us no matter where we are, no matter where we go; high and low.

But we’re human. Sometimes we need to physically feel someone touching us and kissing us and holding us and loving us. We desire to hear the audible words, “I care about you,” “I’m never going to hurt/leave you,” “I want you,” and of course, “I love you.” I get it. It’s natural. We’re human. It’s okay to desire an earthly love. But we have to, have to, have to remind ourselves that God is love and God is with us: Emmanuel.

The Writer of Love Stories

She is beautiful, but no man sees her. She is sweet, kind, and loving, yet the other women who run after men are always chosen, instead of her.

Oh beautiful woman, if only you knew that you are hidden and cherished by the Writer of love stories, the One Who is preparing you for a wonderful future.

He sits alone. The kind, caring one who honors the hearts of women and shows what true manhood is. Saving his heart for a lifetime woman, not willing to settle for a moment’s pleasure. Yet the “bad boys” always seem to win the princess, as he quietly waits for his queen.

Oh kind man, if only you knew that you are reserved for the best. If you only knew that God is planning a helpmeet perfect for you, for you are chosen and set apart.

Don’t you know that true love waits? Oh yes. True love waits for all things. Through all things, true love waits.

Be Who You Is

You gotta be who you is and not who you ain’t

’cause if you ain’t who you is then you is who you ain’t.

Admittedly, I will say that it is very nice, sometimes, to hear someone of the opposite gender say something nice about you. Also admittedly, I will say that if no one says anything nice about you or to you then you may begin to feel as if you are less than who you are (or “who you is”). It is so common and so easy for people to believe things about themselves that are not true. Perhaps we just get so used to hearing nothing good about ourselves that we assume everything about us is bad.

Admittedly, and of course, I am guilty of doing so. It’s so easy. After weeks and months of hearing nothing positive from “someone special” about yourself, sometimes all you can believe is that there is something wrong with you. And of course it makes no difference if someone of the same gender or a relative of the opposite gender says something nice about you. Odds are, that person knows you! It’s really something when someone merely looks at you and decides that you are worth getting to know, even though he/she doesn’t have to. It’s really something else when that person discovers internal characteristics and sees external features that make them smile. You have to admit, hearing that you’re beautiful from your girlfriends or being told, “If I was a girl, I’d date you” by your guy friends or even hearing that you are flat-out special from your aunt or uncle really doesn’t have the same effect on a girl/guy. There’s something special about hearing that “someone special” or that potential “someone” saying nice things about you and to you that, unfortunately, we sometimes allow to define ourselves.

For a while, I thought of myself as pretty much nothing. I thought of myself as nothing but a woman, lowly in society, and completely inferior to man. I felt like nothing. I felt like my only purpose was to serve a man and obey his every command, no matter what, and since I wasn’t doing that then, admittedly, I didn’t think I was doing my “job” in life right. Eventually I gave in and acted upon these feelings, but of course to no avail. It just left me feeling even emptier than I had felt before. But sometimes we sell ourselves incredibly short just to receive the slightest bit of acceptance and satisfaction. Naturally, and deny it if you will, we just want to feel special.

Because of this, we are more prone to believing things about ourselves that are (1) not true and (2) made up. I convinced myself that I was nothing. That’s not true. I believed that I wasn’t “doing my job right” because I wasn’t pleasing a man. Who told me that? Be careful not to let your mind wander too much when you’re feeling like no one even wants to get to know you. Be careful not to chastise yourself for not receiving any type of romantic attention, or anything among that line. If you think that you are nothing, eventually you will believe that you are nothing. If you believe that you are nothing, you will act like you are nothing, and that’s not who you are.

You gotta be who you is and not who you ain’t

’cause if you ain’t who you is then you is who you ain’t.

And that ain’t right.

Esta Noche.

So I am back at school and I am the only one in my room, my suite, and one of the few on the entire floor. It. Is. Wondrous. I did everything I needed and wanted to do without any interruption. I unpacked: No problem. Watched Netflix: No problem. Talked back to the TV show I was watching on Netflix: No problem. Went to get dinner: No problem. Took the world’s longest shower: No problem. Did my hair using the mirror above the sink: No problem. Watched a movie without headphones: No problem. Wrote (now two new posts) on WordPress: No problem. Made a few new Vines: No problem. Kept the big light on this whole time: No problem. About to do my reading: Won’t be a problem… Some people may talk about not liking being alone but it really is something to cherish. You don’t have to worry about anybody and you can do whatever you want!

Also… I don’t know what it is about tonight but I feel so beautiful. I feel like every inch of me is so sexy: the curls in my hair seem so gorgeous; this new bathrobe accentuates the muscles in my legs; the muscles in my legs look like I’ve been working out (I haven’t). I look in the mirror and just feel pretty. I don’t know what the sudden change is or where it came from but it’s here and I feel wonderful and confident and beautiful. It feels so good and I am saying this because I honestly have not felt this way in months and it makes me so happy. Besides, who doesn’t like to look in the mirror and know that one day you’re going to knock the shoes, socks, and everything else off your future husband? 😉

I just feel so good! Who’s to say I would’ve felt this way if I wasn’t alone? Solitude is golden, and for more reasons than one.

By the way, I’ve been up all day and am now watching the sun rise before I finally (maybe) go to sleep. The sun always rises right outside my window. It is the most perfect view. The blue, the purple, the pink, the orange… It’s so beautiful. Taking it all in.