We fall in love with personality,
the words they say
and their behavior,
the thoughts and opinions,
the moments you make and remember;
we lust with our eyes
and love with our hearts.
I would say it is completely possible
to fall in love with someone
without having a physical contact
because it is a pure, raw love for them,
who they are
and what they’re about.
Perhaps it’s the best way to fall in love.
You fall in love with the sight of their soul,
not the sight through our eyes –
which may be misleading.
I went to the mall with my brother today and I saw breasts, legs, stomachs, breasts, and behinds. I also saw some freshman-looking boys take off and lift up their shirts while hitting on these random girls then tried to show off by doing push-ups then got made fun of because some other guys started doing push-ups and taking their shirts off as well. But anyway…
I’ll see girls everywhere getting all this crazy attention. Girls who dress provocatively, girls who wear close to nothing, girls who drink, girls who smoke, girls who swear, girls who party, girls who cover themselves with make-up, girls who willingly expose themselves, girls who are inappropriate, girls seeking attention… Some days I say to myself, “I don’t do anything!” None of that. None of that. It didn’t always make sense in my mind as to why anyone would want a girl to be theirs who is like that, to any degree. I’m not talking about attention as in compliments and getting hit on. Guys just do that to try to butter you up so they can get what they want because you look easy, to put it plainly.
I realized very recently that the world doesn’t want the good girls. Not at ALL. The world doesn’t want the girls who don’t kiss or touch or have sex or drink or smoke or show themselves off. However, if they do, it’s to be the first one to take away some of their innocence. That’s what the world wants.
A while ago this guy that I liked when I was 15/16 and I came in contact with one another. We started talking and everything was fine, you know… then he asked me to send him a picture of myself. On the FIRST day we started talking. Yeah. I know. But whatever, I ignored it and got over it. But then he just… he told me that we were going to hang out and he wanted me to at least be “willing” to… do him a favor. Gross Out City, I know. Eventually, after my repeated times of saying, “No” and after finally having to tell him that I was not going to be alone with him, especially in a bedroom because I don’t think it’s ladylike, he got upset and said that there “really must be something wrong with” me. Yupp.
So nope! The world doesn’t want girls like us. Who needs good girls when there are “bad” girls everywhere giving the world what they want? But you know what I say? I say, save the good girls- the ladies for the good guys- the gentlemen. That’s what I want! Isn’t that what you want? (Nod “yes.”) Okay, great! I thought so! I’d much rather wait patiently for a gentleman than quickly get some… guy who isn’t even interested in getting to know who I am. Who sees past the fact that I am, as we all should be, a “good” girl.
Sitting here watching television with my sister… I can’t help it. I can’t wait for my life to unveil. “Veil” being the keyword. I know everything is unraveling, slowly but surely, but I can’t help but look way into the future. And it also makes me wonder (if you haven’t guessed, I am talking about marriage), how could anyone ever abuse their spouse? In whatever way… To mistreat their marriage? I just… I don’t understand. I mean, I get that not every marriage works out. I get that sometimes people realize that they were wrong. I get that not everyone truly knows who they marry. I get that things happen… but, I don’t know. It’s probably just my single 19 year-old ignorant view of it all but I feel that marriage is one of the greatest gifts in the world. It is not to be abused or misused or taken advantage of. If God blesses you with someone who loves you enough to marry you (and let’s hope that is the reason the person is marrying you) then how could you not do everything you do to cherish, love, and hold on to that person and your marriage?
Who knows… haven’t gotten there yet.
So I’m over it. I’m over this whole thing… If God says, “Yes” then GREAT. If God says, “No” then I’ll have someone even better. It is silly to sit and wait on someone with no guaranteed promises. But I am fine… three weeks later, I am fine. Funny how we were three weeks talking then three weeks for me to be fully alright! I do miss it though. It was nice while it lasted. It gave me a reason to smile, and maybe that was its sole purpose. Now I am just waiting for God to give me an even BIGGER reason. Whether it is him or someone else. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore… I’d never deny God’s blessings!! 🙂
Maybe you think I am taking this too seriously. I mean, it was just three weeks. But you don’t understand. I felt something that I have never felt before. It was respect. Now by no means did I like him because of respect. Because what if that went away? Would I still like him? Anyway, I like(d) him because of everything he (is and) was. Along with his cuteness. There were things I did not like, of course, but man… I really thought, and still think, that he was something. But back to taking this too seriously. I am going to make this loud and clear:
I am not looking for a boyfriend.
A boyfriend, in my mind, is someone you spend time with, hold hands with, kiss with, make stupid mistakes with, then break up with. If I wanted that then… I don’t even know. It’s silly to me. I am waiting for God to send me the one who I will give myself to, who will take me, and who I will spend my entire life cherishing. I think I’ve said this before but I am not looking to get married tomorrow or anytime soon. But to know who I am going to marry would mean so much to me. Fortunately though, I know God is preparing a mighty man for me. That itself allows me to sit in the comfort of knowing that one day, he will come. Maybe I’ve met him already, maybe I have yet to, but I will. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will come. I’m not worried. 😉