Christian and Gay

I never understood homosexuality. For me, I was Paul, persecuting those who identified as “gay” or “lesbian.” I was never one to protest, tell people they’re going to hell, that God hates them, etc. I just didn’t understand how the two could mix: Christianity and homosexuality.

If you’re gay, okay. Live your life however you want. I’m not going to be angry with or oppose you.

But in terms of Christianity? It’s an abomination. It says so in our Bible. So why is it even a topic of conversation at churches and Christian schools, like mine?

I never believed that people “couldn’t help it” or were “born this way.” Not until…

…not until about two weeks ago. I made a new friend. She is gay. She is Christian. She loves God but finds herself attracted to girls. She told me that if she could “turn it off,” she would because it would make her life so much easier… but she can’t.

She’s prayed about it, she’s been prayed over, she’s spoken to her pastor, she’s met with a Christian counselor, and… nothing.

Life didn’t make sense for the longest when she told me her story. I was so confused. I still am.

What’s even more confusing? She likes me… And you know what’s crazy?

I like her too.

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aHA!

So he apologized to me. The first apology was not a real apology. The second was close, but didn’t quite make it. The third… that was it. He sent me three of the longest messages ever, just saying in different ways that he was sorry and that he wished the best for me.

He didn’t (or doesn’t) understand why I still love him… why I still show him compassion and love and grace and mercy. He was being a very, very, very mean person, so why would I forgive him? Why would I embrace him and tell him that everything’s okay? Why would I even acknowledge him after all he’s said to me?

Well, God sent His son to die for us, while we were yet in sin. While we were hating him, mocking him, KILLING HIM, He still loved us. He knew that without love, we’d never make it. He knew that without showing grace and mercy, we’d be headed straight toward destruction. He knew that without offering forgiveness through a once-and-for-all sacrifice, we would never stop spilling blood to cover our sins, and God loves obedience to His Word far more than He loves sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22).

We are called to be like Christ. Should we not extend as much love and mercy and forgiveness as we humanly can and time and time again? YES! 🙂 God did it for us so let’s do it for the world!

So, why the “aHA!”? Well, I believe that the enemy tried to throw me off course. I believe that he tried to make me stumble and fall back into sin. I did, I will admit, but God has forgiven me and I praise and thank Him for that. I thought this was all just a move of the enemy. But of course, and we can reference the book of Job for this, God doesn’t allow the enemy to do anything without His permission. God knew what He was doing. The enemy might have meant to crush me, but in the end, God taught me a lesson, and I praise and thank God for that! Hallelujah! Gloria Dios!

For a while (before all this happened) I believed God was showing me what it was really like to be a Christian. And I thought He stopped when I got caught up in this mess… but He didn’t. I was just too caught up and in the middle of it all to realize what the LORD was doing. (Though honestly, I probably wouldn’t have realized it until the end anyway even if I wasn’t in such a mess.)

As Hosea was told by the LORD to marry a prostitute to understand God’s love for Israel despite her unfaithfulness, I believe God showed me how to love someone no matter what they do to hurt you. No matter how many times they bash you or hurt themselves or make you feel like just some girl and on purpose,… you love that person anyway.

I realized this yesterday morning in church. God never stops working. We just have to do our best to remain faithful and know that if we remain righteous and dependent on God, He will work everything out for our good and His glory. God won’t let the devil win. The enemy has already lost… so aHA!

Purify Your Camp!

Why have we become afraid to address issues within the church? We’ve become used to keeping the peace rather than spreading the truth, possibly because the truth is the hard truth.
So, I must say, and very frankly,… Brothers and sisters, if you’re watching a movie or reading a book or whatever it is about witchcraft and wizards and magic, that is of the DEVIL. What are we doing?! Way too often, even at a God-fearing school, I have seen and heard references to Harry Potter and since it’s October, Hocus Pocus. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?! It gets me so upset because it’s right in your face!!!! Do you not realize it or do you not care?! Purify your camp! Stop! That is of the devil!

What Am I Doing…

I’m at that point right now where I don’t know anything. Hardly anything… I don’t know where to go to school anymore, really. I know what I want to do and I know that this is what God has called me to do (to be an elementary school Spanish teacher- ¡olé!). But choosing a school to transfer to AND stick with is so… what’s the word? I don’t know. But it requires a lot of time and effort and it is very stressful. This is practically my LIFE. Not even joking.

How am I supposed to make a decision on where to go for the next however many years that will lead me to my independent life afterwards? I’ve been praying about it and at first I was SO set on this school in Massachusetts (I live in Connecticut) but now when I think about it, I can’t leave. And what’s holding me back is my church family. I am not worried about finding a church or a great group on campus or anything (plus it is a Christian school) but it would be ridiculously hard to say goodbye. My angels! My deacons! My friends! And I’m friends with everybody- the youth and some older ladies. I just can’t go but I absolutely need to get out of here.

Hm. :/