Things to Remember

1. Remember, child, remember,
That God is in the sky,
That He looks on all we do
With an ever wakeful eye.

2. Remember, oh! remember,
That all the day and night,
He sees our thoughts and actions,
With an ever watchful sight.

3. Remember, child, remember,
That God is good and true;
That He wishes us to be
Like Him in all we do.

4. Remember that He hates
A falsehood or a lie-
Remember, He will punish
The wicked by-and-bye.

5. Remember, oh! remember,
That He is like a friend.
And He wishes us to be
Good, and happy in the end.

6. Remember, child, remember
To pray to Him in Heaven;
And if you have done wrong,
Oh! ask to be forgiven.

7. Be sorry, in your little prayer,
And whisper in His ear;
Ask His forgiveness and His love,
And He will surely hear.

8. Yes, He will hear thee, and forgive
Like a father, good and kind;
So remember, child, remember,
That you love with all your mind-

9. The God, who lives in Heaven,
And gives us each delight,
Who guards us all the day,
And saves us in the night.

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Tomorrow

Jesus said, “Here I stand
Won’t you please let me in?”
And you said, “I will
Tomorrow”

Jesus said, “I am he
Who supplies all your needs”
And you said, “I know,
But tomorrow”

Tomorrow
I’ll give my life
Tomorrow
I thought about today
Oh, but it’s so much easier to say

Tomorrow
Who promised you
Tomorrow?
Better choose the LORD today
For “tomorrow” very well might be today

Jesus said, “Here I stand
Won’t you please take my hand?”
And you said, “I will
Tomorrow”

Jesus said, “I am he
Who supplies all your needs”
And you said, “I know,
But tomorrow”

Tomorrow
I’ll give my life
Tomorrow
I thought about today
Oh, but it’s so much easier to say

Tomorrow
Who promised you
Tomorrow?
Better choose the LORD today
For “tomorrow” very well might be today

And who said your tomorrow would ever come for you?
Still you laugh and play and continue on to say

Tomorrow
Forget about
Tomorrow
Won’t you give your life today?
Oh, please
Don’t just turn and walk away

Tomorrow
Tomorrow is not promised
Don’t let this moment slip away
Your “tomorrow” could very well be today

aHA!

So he apologized to me. The first apology was not a real apology. The second was close, but didn’t quite make it. The third… that was it. He sent me three of the longest messages ever, just saying in different ways that he was sorry and that he wished the best for me.

He didn’t (or doesn’t) understand why I still love him… why I still show him compassion and love and grace and mercy. He was being a very, very, very mean person, so why would I forgive him? Why would I embrace him and tell him that everything’s okay? Why would I even acknowledge him after all he’s said to me?

Well, God sent His son to die for us, while we were yet in sin. While we were hating him, mocking him, KILLING HIM, He still loved us. He knew that without love, we’d never make it. He knew that without showing grace and mercy, we’d be headed straight toward destruction. He knew that without offering forgiveness through a once-and-for-all sacrifice, we would never stop spilling blood to cover our sins, and God loves obedience to His Word far more than He loves sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22).

We are called to be like Christ. Should we not extend as much love and mercy and forgiveness as we humanly can and time and time again? YES! 🙂 God did it for us so let’s do it for the world!

So, why the “aHA!”? Well, I believe that the enemy tried to throw me off course. I believe that he tried to make me stumble and fall back into sin. I did, I will admit, but God has forgiven me and I praise and thank Him for that. I thought this was all just a move of the enemy. But of course, and we can reference the book of Job for this, God doesn’t allow the enemy to do anything without His permission. God knew what He was doing. The enemy might have meant to crush me, but in the end, God taught me a lesson, and I praise and thank God for that! Hallelujah! Gloria Dios!

For a while (before all this happened) I believed God was showing me what it was really like to be a Christian. And I thought He stopped when I got caught up in this mess… but He didn’t. I was just too caught up and in the middle of it all to realize what the LORD was doing. (Though honestly, I probably wouldn’t have realized it until the end anyway even if I wasn’t in such a mess.)

As Hosea was told by the LORD to marry a prostitute to understand God’s love for Israel despite her unfaithfulness, I believe God showed me how to love someone no matter what they do to hurt you. No matter how many times they bash you or hurt themselves or make you feel like just some girl and on purpose,… you love that person anyway.

I realized this yesterday morning in church. God never stops working. We just have to do our best to remain faithful and know that if we remain righteous and dependent on God, He will work everything out for our good and His glory. God won’t let the devil win. The enemy has already lost… so aHA!

I Am A Murderer.

1 John 3:15, NLT: “Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them.”

I want to so badly say that I hate him. I want to so badly.

I want to forgive him. I want to be able to say that I forgive him and mean it. But I can’t.

I just want him to apologize. Who with a heart leads someone on to something that they have always wanted then drops off the face of the earth like nothing has happened?

I’m over it. I’m over him. But I am not over what happened… All these months later, it still hurts and I don’t know why.

It’s alright though. What doesn’t kill you…

I don’t want to be a murderer. I don’t want to have hardness in my heart. I don’t want to have bad thoughts of someone the second I hear the name or see someone who looks like him, but it’s so, so hard.

I just want to be completely over this heartache.

Why can’t I be completely over this heartache..?

Forgiveness? Loneliness… God.

How do you forgive someone who has never apologized?

How do you forget someone who never said, “Goodbye?”

One of the deepest longings of the human being is to feel wanted and loved and cared for. That’s the dream, right? There’s nothing better.

Seeing others in actual relationships who have found “the one” just makes us want that love even more.

This is not a bad thing! It’s natural. We’re humans. We all have the desire. Some have a greater one than others, but it’s there.

Maybe that’s why it hurts so much.

You could have something- something wonderful and you realize that the relationship was poisoning the both of you. No matter how badly you just want to give love and be loved, it’s not for you.

Then you could happen to find something- something so wonderful, what you thought was “wonderful” looks like a first grade “boyfriend/girlfriend.” But then one day it just disappears. Without warning, without an apology, without a “Goodbye…” without anything.

So it feels terrible.

There is something there that you could have, but that’s something detrimental.

Then there was something that you had, but that’s just a thing of the past.

Yes, it hurts. Like crazy.

So you wait and wait. You try to focus on God and try to find your full satisfaction in Him, but it’s hard because you’re human and not a day goes by that doesn’t cause you to think of life with “the one.”

So you prepare yourself each day just in case you meet this “one.”

But you don’t. And you have to constantly remind yourself: God is all you’ll ever need. You can’t find true joy and full satisfaction until you realize that.

Heart of the Matter – i.a

I’ve been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning them again
I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if… even if you don’t love me anymore