Things to Remember

1. Remember, child, remember,
That God is in the sky,
That He looks on all we do
With an ever wakeful eye.

2. Remember, oh! remember,
That all the day and night,
He sees our thoughts and actions,
With an ever watchful sight.

3. Remember, child, remember,
That God is good and true;
That He wishes us to be
Like Him in all we do.

4. Remember that He hates
A falsehood or a lie-
Remember, He will punish
The wicked by-and-bye.

5. Remember, oh! remember,
That He is like a friend.
And He wishes us to be
Good, and happy in the end.

6. Remember, child, remember
To pray to Him in Heaven;
And if you have done wrong,
Oh! ask to be forgiven.

7. Be sorry, in your little prayer,
And whisper in His ear;
Ask His forgiveness and His love,
And He will surely hear.

8. Yes, He will hear thee, and forgive
Like a father, good and kind;
So remember, child, remember,
That you love with all your mind-

9. The God, who lives in Heaven,
And gives us each delight,
Who guards us all the day,
And saves us in the night.

Heart of the Matter

It was never hard to forgive myself for getting below a 2.0 GPA my first semester in college. It was my first semester and it’s a lot more common to do poorly than to do exceedingly well, especially when the only class you’re taking is biology lecture and lab! It wasn’t difficult to forgive myself for my behavior and mindset in high school. I was 15 and 16 years-old and let’s just leave it at that. But for some reason it was so difficult and exceedingly painful for me to forgive myself for hurting someone I loved. Regardless of the fact that your first love is indeed your first love and who ever gets that right? Eventually people do if they stay with it but to knock it out of the park your first time at bat is not very likely, and that is fine.

That is the last thing, to my limited knowledge, that really bothered me and kept me up at night. I couldn’t help but think of myself as some terrible person who ruined what she had and took everything for granted. But you know what? No one gets it right first time around. And if they do, many blessings y felicidades to them! But odds are, we don’t ever see it coming nor do we catch ourselves in the act because we’re so blind to everything we’re doing and naturally, we think we are right.

It’s so easy to victimize yourself but it is so hard to sit back and look at the whole situation, including yourself. What did you do? What did you say? How did you provoke a certain reaction? Why were you not being completely loving? I said it before, it is so hard to do it but it is even more difficult to realize that we have to do it. Stop pointing the finger at everyone else and look at yourself. Once you do, odds are you will not like what you see and that’s okay. As long as everything inside of you wants to reach out, apologize, and do your best to heal that wound or those wounds of the other person/people then that is good. It’s good to feel pain. There is a time for it.

“More of You, less of me.” God will strip you bare of yourself in order to bring you where He’s called you to be. Abraham was told to offer up his son to die. Hosea was told to marry a prostitute. Joseph was told to marry a woman who was pregnant. God told Abraham to offer up his son to see how much he loved Him. Of course in the end Abraham does not offer have to up his son, but he was given a glimpse of what it would soon be like for God to really offer His one and only Son. Hosea was told to marry a prostitute to feel just a little bit of the anger and jealousy and hurt that God felt when Israel would worship other gods, or in other words, when Israel would commit adultery, just as the prostitute did. Joseph was told to marry a pregnant woman despite the fact that any unmarried woman who had sexual relations was to be stoned to death for being a shame to her family and “promiscuous while living in her father’s house.” God told him to do this (for I’m sure more reasons than this) in order to receive his blessing because he had favor in the eyes of the LORD. My goodness. Now, how hard is that? How hard is it to completely lay yourself aside and almost purposely kill your beloved son? How hard is it to marry a woman knowing that she will cheat on you, with everyone else knowing it as well? How hard is it to marry a woman who appears to be an utter disgrace? God asks us to do so many things that are painful, but it is in order for us to build and to draw near, or nearer, to Him. If we want to be used by God, we can’t walk around with the same fluff that everyone else has. We have to be put through the fire and burned in order to remove any impurities or qualities that God does not desire us to have. It hurts, it’s painful, it’s hard, we cry, we agonize, but we come out of it all brand new. If we trust in God and continue on through the pain and trials, we will come out exactly how God wants us to be.

Breaking off a relationship was in God’s will for me. It was in God’s will for the both of us. I never would have felt that inescapable feeling and stirring of my heart to part ways time and time again if that wasn’t the case. What was most painful about it all was that in my heart, I wanted to stay but in my heart, I knew that I couldn’t. How confusing is it to have your heart telling you to leave and to stay with the one you love? This greatly influenced indecisiveness, back-and-forth, tug-and-pull, heartache, sadness, everything. So why, then, was it so hard to forgive myself if I now know that I was just being emotional-full human? My assumption is because it dealt with someone I love. What’s even stranger is that he hurt me as well, but I always forgave him, and for the most part, instantly. All he had to say was, “I’m sorry” and I would gladly say, “It’s okay, boyfriend,” while we were together or just a simple, “It’s okay,” while we were not and I meant it. I guess when it’s yourself that you’re looking at, you feel like you know better or that you should know better and that your behavior and actions are unacceptable and inexcusable. Well, it was that way for me at least. But at the right time, you have to realize that it is okay, you are okay, and that you have to forgive yourself.

For a short while, questions came to mind and I asked myself, “Shouldn’t we live life enjoying it to the fullest every day?” “Shouldn’t we do what makes us happy and avoid what makes us upset?” “Shouldn’t we follow our hearts and fulfill all of our desires?” No. The answer is, “No.” We are here to bring glory to God on earth, then worship Him forever in Heaven. That is all.

Heaven

So someone commented on my “Sex Dreams” post about keeping a Bible underneath my pillow at night. I’ve been doing it for weeks now. Not everyday, but I do when I remember. Well, here’s some background: for a while in January I was having dreams about sex frequently and it wasn’t okay. At all. Obviously… well, someone told me to keep a Bible underneath my pillow and honestly, I haven’t had one of those dreams since. Wait, no. Yes, I have. Though I can’t remember if my Bible was under my pillow or not. I don’t think so. Well, anyway. I haven’t had one, besides that one until…

Until the other night when I was tired and being lazy and didn’t feel like moving to put the Bible underneath. “It’s whatever!” “No big deal!” Right? Wrong. That night, for the first time Lord knows when, I had a dream about sex and when I realized it, I was so grossed out. But thankfully, I can’t remember what happened in the dream! 😀 So the next night, I was not going to let that happen again. I kept my Bible with me and that night I had a dream about… Heaven! Yes, I did! The only reason I knew I was in Heaven, though, was because I said it or someone said it… I don’t remember, haha. But I was there!

So here’s what happened: I got to Heaven, nothing fancy or white or crazy colorful… it was actually outside of my job, which is a college campus and very far from Heaven. Well, I got there and someone had to check and see if I could come in. A guy said, “Hold on, let me check and see… Okay, you’re good,” or something like that. Either way, yay! 🙂 My best friend was also there! It was different… we had to go through all these stages to get somewhere. I’m not sure where we were going but we were in Heaven the whole time (and I believe we were no longer outside of my job). It seemed like only a few minutes had passed by but in reality, about every five minutes that went by were equal to an entire day on earth. Isn’t that crazy?

It was different than any other dream I’ve had relating to Heaven, and I’ve had a few… I should share! I will one of these days. 🙂

Until then y’all. ♥

This Girl Right Here!

This Girl Right Here!

I cannot even express how much I LOVE God for sending me this WONDERFUL girl whom I call my BEST FRIEND!!! 🙂 Haha, I just get so happy when I think about it. She is the first friend I have ever had that can completely relate to me, who I can talk to about ANYTHING (anything… like anything) and for hours at a time, who I can come crying to, who I can come praising to, who I can come mad at the world to, who I can have a Bible study with, who I can have a full-out and passionate conversation about the Word with, who I can praise the good God Almighty on High with… She is just amazing and I am so thankful for her! I have been blessed with a best friend that I know will be with me everyday of this life and the next life in Heaven to come! Praise the LORD! Hallelujah! 😀 I just love this girl, haha. We are angels for life. ♥

“Ohhh, you’re my best friend.” 🙂

Again…

This semester is trying to kill me. On my first day of english, I found out that we were reading “Little Red Riding Hood.” Fine by me, right? However, we were reading the original version, written in 1697 (along with other 17th century versions). It is all about sex. And staying away from “wolves” that cause trouble, but this trouble is being “eaten.” I remember the first day I came to the class, I so desperately wanted to walk out. Things like this make me so mad. But praise the Lord, we are finally done with that story.

But now, oh NOW, in my other english class, we are discussing slavery. When you are discussing slavery, the terms “slave” and “master” get thrown around a lot. I don’t like that… Not to mention, one of the books we are discussing deals with a master trying to get his female slave to submit sexually to him. I hate this so much. I have been trying to work on an essay for this class and for about the past hour and I have not been able to focus because of this. It makes me think about everything… I hate it so much.

During times like this, I really have to lean on the Lord. My flesh so deeply desires to have a male to run and talk to for the physical support and comfort, but I know that’s not what I need. I need to run to God and pour out everything to Him. He is the only one Who can bring healing: mind, body, and spirit. God, I need You… Te necesito otra vez. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep, wake up in Heaven, and just be there, lying in Jesus’ arms. Oh, how wonderful would that be! Nothing could ever bother me after an encounter like that. I know I have to trust in the Lord and really study His Word but of course, I’m at war. My spirit says to go to the Lord. He is my strength and my Strong Tower. My flesh says to go talk to someone. Someone who can make me “feel better.” Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with going to a man or woman of God for help. Goodness gracious, I don’t know where I would be without some of the lovely ladies I go to. But something’s telling me to go back to someone who will give me the same temporary satisfaction that requires a daily fill-up. No. Absolutely not. Seriously, ew. But something inside me wishes that there was a male that I could talk to. Someone who knows what respect is, gives it, deserves it, and knows that I do too. But I can’t tell if that’s selfish or not. I can’t tell if that’s my own fleshly desire or if that really should be my go-to for godly counsel. I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anyway, I guess.

Leaning on the Lord. I can’t let this attack take me.