Christian and Gay

I never understood homosexuality. For me, I was Paul, persecuting those who identified as “gay” or “lesbian.” I was never one to protest, tell people they’re going to hell, that God hates them, etc. I just didn’t understand how the two could mix: Christianity and homosexuality.

If you’re gay, okay. Live your life however you want. I’m not going to be angry with or oppose you.

But in terms of Christianity? It’s an abomination. It says so in our Bible. So why is it even a topic of conversation at churches and Christian schools, like mine?

I never believed that people “couldn’t help it” or were “born this way.” Not until…

…not until about two weeks ago. I made a new friend. She is gay. She is Christian. She loves God but finds herself attracted to girls. She told me that if she could “turn it off,” she would because it would make her life so much easier… but she can’t.

She’s prayed about it, she’s been prayed over, she’s spoken to her pastor, she’s met with a Christian counselor, and… nothing.

Life didn’t make sense for the longest when she told me her story. I was so confused. I still am.

What’s even more confusing? She likes me… And you know what’s crazy?

I like her too.

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“Es parte de un propósito y todo bien saldrá.”

How many times have we sang the songs and prayed the prayers asking the LORD to have His will and declaring that we are not our own? When the time comes and God does exactly what you’ve asked for, do we complain and give up or do we draw near and desire for HIS will to be done?
It’s funny how God can be doing something amazing in us and we become so blind to it due to our feelings. God sees each tear and all of your suffering and it is not in vain. Through the deep and restless waters, God has never left and will never leave our side. Emmanuel. What a sweet reminder and a wonderful promise. And when God makes a promise, there is nothing in the world–sickness, loneliness, joblessness–that could get in the way of God’s master plan.

To Be Loved

Very often I find myself wanting to pray for God to send me “the one.” Every time, shortly after, I realize that no matter how much or how hard I pray, it’s all going to happen in God’s timing anyway. I could pray day after day, but if God doesn’t want “him” to come until next year, “he” won’t come until next year, and that’s the end of it.

But more than anything, all I want is for things to have played out differently. I wish my words and my actions and my thoughts were different. I wish I could rewind time and do certain things all over again. But don’t we all…?

We have to remember that we’re never the only lonely person in the world, even though it sometimes seems that way.

I try to remind myself that true love is only and can only be found in God. God is love. If we look to any person for it, we will inevitably become disappointed and perhaps even needy. We don’t want that.

If you want to find love, read the Gospel of John- John is all about love. Or read 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. You know, there is love everywhere and all around us and we fail to realize it all the time. Emmanuel is His name! “God with us.” If God is love then love is always with us no matter where we are, no matter where we go; high and low.

But we’re human. Sometimes we need to physically feel someone touching us and kissing us and holding us and loving us. We desire to hear the audible words, “I care about you,” “I’m never going to hurt/leave you,” “I want you,” and of course, “I love you.” I get it. It’s natural. We’re human. It’s okay to desire an earthly love. But we have to, have to, have to remind ourselves that God is love and God is with us: Emmanuel.

Precioso Jesús

Al contemplar Tu obra en la cruz
Tanto amor derramado y todo por mí
Con gratitud me quiero acercar
Sólo tengo mi vida aceptala

No se cómo expresarme ante Tu hermosura
Rodeada de gloria y poder
Necesito decirte lo que siento ahora
Me acerco a Ti, al santo lugar

Precioso Jesús, mi Redentor
Amado Señor, eres todo para mí
Te adoraré cada día de mi vida
No puedo vivir si no estás junto a mí

Me Encontraste – Canción Original

Más y más yo Te necesito

Día en día Te llamaba

Estaba sólo y la vacuidad fue mío

Pero me encontraste y me amabas

 

O SEÑOR, mi Fortaleza

Me salvaste en gran manera

Tú echaste mi tristeza

Y me llevaste desde afuera

 

En la luz

Enfrente de la cruz

 

O más y más yo Te quiero

Día en día Te ruego

Estoy contigo, estás conmigo

Porque me encontraste y Tú me amas

 

O SEÑOR, mi Fortaleza

Me salvaste en gran manera

Tú echaste mi tristeza

Y me llevaste desde afuera

 

En la luz

Enfrente de la cruz

 

Jesús, mi Salvador

O Dios, mi Redentor

Levanto y sólo por

La gracia de mi Señor

 

O SEÑOR, mi Fortaleza

Me salvaste en gran manera

Tú echaste mi tristeza

Y me llevaste desde afuera

 

En la luz

Enfrente de la cruz

Tomorrow

Jesus said, “Here I stand
Won’t you please let me in?”
And you said, “I will
Tomorrow”

Jesus said, “I am he
Who supplies all your needs”
And you said, “I know,
But tomorrow”

Tomorrow
I’ll give my life
Tomorrow
I thought about today
Oh, but it’s so much easier to say

Tomorrow
Who promised you
Tomorrow?
Better choose the LORD today
For “tomorrow” very well might be today

Jesus said, “Here I stand
Won’t you please take my hand?”
And you said, “I will
Tomorrow”

Jesus said, “I am he
Who supplies all your needs”
And you said, “I know,
But tomorrow”

Tomorrow
I’ll give my life
Tomorrow
I thought about today
Oh, but it’s so much easier to say

Tomorrow
Who promised you
Tomorrow?
Better choose the LORD today
For “tomorrow” very well might be today

And who said your tomorrow would ever come for you?
Still you laugh and play and continue on to say

Tomorrow
Forget about
Tomorrow
Won’t you give your life today?
Oh, please
Don’t just turn and walk away

Tomorrow
Tomorrow is not promised
Don’t let this moment slip away
Your “tomorrow” could very well be today

Do you ever feel like Moses?

Maybe that’s why I love the name Moses so much. Maybe that’s why I could read Exodus everyday. I feel like Moses. Do you ever feel like Moses? Do you ever feel overwhelmed, tormented, anxious, nervous… Unless, of course, Moses didn’t feel that way, but I’m pretty sure he did. Moses, besides Jesus, had to bear the greatest weight of anyone in the entire Bible. He had to lead the complaining, adulterous, murmuring, plotting-to-murder-ing, stubborn Israelites out of Egypt into The Promised Land. He even had to deal with them for forty extra years in the wilderness! Of course I’m not doing anything close to that but I had to leave what I knew, through protest after protest, trial after trial, heartache after heartache, to lead myself and another into our “Promise Lands.”

I honestly feel so humbled. I won’t go into detail as to stay “humble” and not make it seem like I’m some great person, but I believe with all of my heart that God has chosen me to bear a heavy weight and burden so that someone else doesn’t have to. So that two people don’t have to, actually. I am not promoting myself in any way and all the glory goes to God, but I honestly believe that God chose me to bear this weight because He knew I could handle it and that it would make me stronger. Things make so much sense and they are unraveling more and more. And I’ve realized, or am starting to realize, a glimpse of what God’s plan is. I understand why He put in my heart what He did those two years ago. I understand why time after time, I couldn’t go back to what I knew (for the most part). I understand that I’m hurting so two other people don’t have to. Again, I don’t want to sound high-and-mighty. All this glory is going to God. He did this. He did all of this and I praise Him and thank Him for it because I feel so blessed and humbled and loved. God does not put those who are not His children through the fire. He corrects those whom He loves:

5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the LORD,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
6 For the LORD disciplines the one He loves,
and chastises every son whom He receives.”

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:5-11, ESV

Did Moses hurt? Yes! He even complained to God (for example, Exodus 5:22-23)! But when he complained, he was desiring God to be nearer, as opposed to complaining and straying away (my Old Testament teacher taught us that). So the LORD did just that. Yes, it was still hard for Moses, but Moses was Moses:

6 And He said, “Hear My words: If there is a prophet among you, I the LORD make Myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream. 7 Not so with My servant Moses. He is faithful in all My house. 8 With him I speak mouth to mouth, clearly, and not in riddles, and he beholds the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?”

Numbers 12:6-8, ESV (God was directly addressing the murmurings of Aaron and Miriam.)

To bear a weight so great is to draw nearer to God. Draw nigh unto the LORD and He will draw nigh unto you. (James 4:8) So even though I or you or someone you know is going through something crazy that doesn’t seem to make any sense, know that God is leading us all into The Promised Land. O, look forward to The Promised Land.

…But when the LORD says to speak to a rock, speak to it. DON’T strike it twice! You don’t want to have to go to the top of the hill and just look at your Promised Land then have someone else lead everyone there… Ooooh, you’ll have to know the Bible to know that one. Or Exodus, at least. 🙂

God’s got something greater than you can imagine in store for you. And do not be troubled, for He has you in the palm of His hands. Sometimes I like to imagine Jesus holding my hand. You cannot say that doesn’t make things better. ♥