What. Is. WRONG with me?!
This rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. I feel like a terrible person for thinking these thoughts and desiring these things… but I can’t help it.
Why why WHY, no matter how long it’s been, do I always end up here? How in the world do I always feel so “good” and “free” and just full of all this joy but then I ALWAYS find myself here again?
It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all. I hate to be complaining but I did not ask for this.
I’m happy. I am so happy… So why do I feel so sad?
How many of ya’ll know Psalm 30:5? “Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY cometh in the morning.” Weeeeeell!!!
Alright, ya’ll, I don’t know what just happened but I feel so much better. SO much better. Like I’m fine. I am absolutely fine. There’s no pain, no tears, no nothing. Ahh. God is good. ^_^
I think the reason everything hit so hard last night was because of everything that has happened prior. Like my ex-boyfriend? Oh, if ya’ll think you know ANYTHING about what happened between us, you don’t know the half of it! I thought that was it. I thought I saw promise, and I did! But not the kind of promise anyone should have. But I tried- I tried to find something good. I tried to find a “godly” promise. It didn’t happen. Then, months later, with that other child I liked… I thought I saw promise. He even told me we would make a nice “couple.” Hm. Nope. Wrong again. But then, the next year, here we go… After everything said, wrong again. I was just tired of being wrong- I am tired of being wrong. Now, I do not see “promise” in everyone and Lord knows I am not just going to up and talk to some guy just because he talks to me. No. I very rarely even talk to guys. So when I actually feel or believe that good is going to come of something, it gets so disappointing when it doesn’t happen. And three times in a row, really? And oh, I was and am so close to asking myself, “What is wrong with me?” And sometimes, we really have to evaluate ourselves and see what we need to change. And more importantly, we need to ask God to remove anything in us that is not like Him or that does not glorify Him. (“Who can understand his errors? cleanse Thou me from from secret faults.” Psalm 19:12) But the way I was asking was not like that. No, I thought there was really something wrong with me! I mean, makes sense, right? All three of the people mentioned above have talked to me, been sweet on me, made me feel like I was the only girl ever in the world ever, and then ignored me or disrespected me or both. I mean, I must be doing something wrong, but there is nothing wrong with me. Do you see what I’m saying?
I am pretty disappointed though. But I’m not sure if it should be in myself or not. But all is well with me. One day everything will reveal itself!
Anyway, I do not know what God did or how He did it but I thank You, LORD and I am rejoicing! Praise the LORD! Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus! I am a FRIEND of God! Eres mi Amigo fiel!