No, no, no, no, noooo!

What. Is. WRONG with me?!

This rollercoaster of emotions seems to be never-ending. I feel like a terrible person for thinking these thoughts and desiring these things… but I can’t help it.

Why why WHY, no matter how long it’s been, do I always end up here? How in the world do I always feel so “good” and “free” and just full of all this joy but then I ALWAYS find myself here again?

It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all. I hate to be complaining but I did not ask for this.

I’m happy. I am so happy… So why do I feel so sad?

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It’s okay to feel.

It seems very easy to beat ourselves up for simply being what we are: human. Why is it easy to feel bad for feeling? God allowed us to feel. He gave us emotions for a reason. So when we feel them, it’s okay. It’s okay to be human. It’s okay to feel sad or to be upset or to have the desire to be selfish or to think about yourself or to feel overwhelmed or to cry or to hurt. It’s okay. Why is it, then, so hard sometimes to accept the fact that we do indeed feel and that it is okay? Don’t beat yourself up. Feel.

Because It Happened

Smiling

Because it happened

Dancing

Because it happened

Laughing

Because it happened

Understanding

Because it happened

Thanking

Because it happened.

I never understood why someone would say, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Obviously my response was, “Why would I smile?? IT’S OVER.” But I’ve recently come to the better realization that God allows us to go through everything He puts us through for a reason. Whether it is something happy or sad, I’ve learned to rejoice. When I think about high school (goodness gracious), I can SMILE because everything that has happened taught me how to value myself, what to look for in a person, and helped me better understand what to expect in a male. When I think about the hard times my family has gone through, I can SMILE because everything that has happened has made me value my family even more and understand the importance of not only having a family, but BEING a family. When I think about my past relationship, I can SMILE because everything that has happened has taught me an unbelievable amount of things about myself, my relationships, and about really listening to God. When I think about “David,” we’ll call him, I can SMILE because everything that has happened taught me to STOP, look at the situation, look at my motives, look inside myself, know my self-worth, think and consider everything about the other person, and to really, above all else, focus on God. I did not understand anything at first and I still do not understand everything now, but I’ve learned something so important about myself, people, and other vital things.

I can smile through everything. YOU can smile through everything! And why not do it? What’s frowning ever gotten anyone? Wrinkles, darling. Wrinkles.

So smile. 🙂