Look At Me

Look at me
Look into my eyes
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?
Or has the world got you down on your knees?
Come to me

Look at you
Look into your heart
Tell me, is there room for you to make a brand new start?
Or has the world gotten to you and made you dark?
Come to me

‘Cause when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away
And when you laugh, who you think got you that way?
And when you dream
When you wake up, is it me you want to see?

Look at us
Look around the world
‘Cause all you seem to find are unhappy boys, unhappy girls
And tell me, is that what you want for you and me?
Don’t you want to be happy?

‘Cause when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away
And when you laugh, who you think got you that way?
And when you dream, babe
When you wake up, is it me you want to see baby?

Look at me
Look into my eyes
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?
Or has the world got you down on your knees?
You can come to me

You know you can always come to me

Do you ever feel like Moses?

Maybe that’s why I love the name Moses so much. Maybe that’s why I could read Exodus everyday. I feel like Moses. Do you ever feel like Moses? Do you ever feel overwhelmed, tormented, anxious, nervous… Unless, of course, Moses didn’t feel that way, but I’m pretty sure he did. Moses, besides Jesus, had to bear the greatest weight of anyone in the entire Bible. He had to lead the complaining, adulterous, murmuring, plotting-to-murder-ing, stubborn Israelites out of Egypt into The Promised Land. He even had to deal with them for forty extra years in the wilderness! Of course I’m not doing anything close to that but I had to leave what I knew, through protest after protest, trial after trial, heartache after heartache, to lead myself and another into our “Promise Lands.”

I honestly feel so humbled. I won’t go into detail as to stay “humble” and not make it seem like I’m some great person, but I believe with all of my heart that God has chosen me to bear a heavy weight and burden so that someone else doesn’t have to. So that two people don’t have to, actually. I am not promoting myself in any way and all the glory goes to God, but I honestly believe that God chose me to bear this weight because He knew I could handle it and that it would make me stronger. Things make so much sense and they are unraveling more and more. And I’ve realized, or am starting to realize, a glimpse of what God’s plan is. I understand why He put in my heart what He did those two years ago. I understand why time after time, I couldn’t go back to what I knew (for the most part). I understand that I’m hurting so two other people don’t have to. Again, I don’t want to sound high-and-mighty. All this glory is going to God. He did this. He did all of this and I praise Him and thank Him for it because I feel so blessed and humbled and loved. God does not put those who are not His children through the fire. He corrects those whom He loves:

5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the LORD,
nor be weary when reproved by Him.
6 For the LORD disciplines the one He loves,
and chastises every son whom He receives.”

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:5-11, ESV

Did Moses hurt? Yes! He even complained to God (for example, Exodus 5:22-23)! But when he complained, he was desiring God to be nearer, as opposed to complaining and straying away (my Old Testament teacher taught us that). So the LORD did just that. Yes, it was still hard for Moses, but Moses was Moses:

6 And He said, “Hear My words: If there is a prophet among you, I the LORD make Myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream. 7 Not so with My servant Moses. He is faithful in all My house. 8 With him I speak mouth to mouth, clearly, and not in riddles, and he beholds the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?”

Numbers 12:6-8, ESV (God was directly addressing the murmurings of Aaron and Miriam.)

To bear a weight so great is to draw nearer to God. Draw nigh unto the LORD and He will draw nigh unto you. (James 4:8) So even though I or you or someone you know is going through something crazy that doesn’t seem to make any sense, know that God is leading us all into The Promised Land. O, look forward to The Promised Land.

…But when the LORD says to speak to a rock, speak to it. DON’T strike it twice! You don’t want to have to go to the top of the hill and just look at your Promised Land then have someone else lead everyone there… Ooooh, you’ll have to know the Bible to know that one. Or Exodus, at least. 🙂

God’s got something greater than you can imagine in store for you. And do not be troubled, for He has you in the palm of His hands. Sometimes I like to imagine Jesus holding my hand. You cannot say that doesn’t make things better. ♥

Short and Sweet.

Is it weird that I can almost feel his touch?

Is it strange that I can practically feel him close?

Is it normal to imagine the one coming for you?

To imagine him breaking down each wall you so strongly put up?

To picture him gaining trust with every thing he does and every word he says?

I won’t let him get in my head too easily, but I see him slowly working his way there.

I’d never share my deepest thoughts and desires with him right away, but I envision him, everyday, getting one step closer.

I wouldn’t allow him to touch me, but I hear him whispering a sweet, calming assurance in my ear that everything is going to be okay.

What exciting thoughts.

Psalm 27 – An Exuberant Declaration of Faith

A Psalm of David

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.

Teach me Your way, O LORD,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

An Unpleasant Reminder

So yesterday I went to the hang out with my two roommates from the mission trip I went on last summer, and we decided to go to the movies (we saw ‘Identity Theft…’ it is so… oh my goodness… just nope, not for me). Cool, right? Mhm, cool.

Keep in mind, kind reader, that the last time I went to the movies was with- you know… him… My ex-boyfriend (so no one has to scroll through each of my posts to find out who “him” is). But it was fine! I was with two of my girls, one on each side. But as soon as the lights went out, I got so nervous. I started breathing heavily and I was just waiting for someone to pull me close or grab my neck or touch me or kiss me or feel me or something. The whole thing just made me so nervous. After a while, though, I was fine. But then, of course, there was the most disgusting sex scene ever and just that made me uncomfortable (naturally). Blahh! I’m sorry, we’re going to move on. I can’t even think about this anymore because that was just… blasdfaksdlflkasjf blah!!!

So on the ride home… You know when you’re driving home in the car by yourself with slow music playing in the nighttime and you just begin to think about LIFE? Yes well, that’s exactly what happened, readers. That’s exactly what happened. I was thinking about… him. The good “him,” not the not-so-good “him.” Ugh, it’s so aggravating- why do I still think about this child? Anyway, getting off topic… But of course, being me, I was imagining things (good, appropriate things) that might happen the next time we saw each other. And just by the thought of GOOD things, I got so nervous. I know for a fact that I would be repulsively awkward if I was ever alone or out with a guy that I shared positive mutual feelings with. Like beyond awkward. I’d be so nervous and so shy and just terrified! And it’s because, I believe, of an issue with trust. And I hate to be that girl with trust issues but what can you do? But I just don’t know what that guy is going to do. Whoever the guy may be! Jim, Jack, Joe, or Mike, whoever. The second we are alone, the second we are in a car together, he is automatically in control and just because. A guy can do whatever he wants at anytime! He has the strength to. So no matter how sweet and kind and charming and considerate and thoughtful a guy is when we’re apart or around people, the second we’re alone he could be a completely different person. It doesn’t matter if I’ve known you for years, there are emotions that can lie dormant in a person that could explode at any moment. Or maybe the person always hides them or what have you! I can just never be too sure. Even if it was this guy, who I am so about to post about, my little ol’ self would still be shaking in my boots.

I’m just scared… and everything came back just because I was in a movie theater. Seriously? To even think about the things that happened or the things I’ve done. Goodness gracious. It’s not okay.