Something Great

I can’t stand living in this house sometimes. Ever since my mother left, there has been SO much put on me. People have even said that I am no one’s wife and no one’s mother so they agree that all the work I have to do and all the responsibilities I have just are not fair. (Had to point that out so you don’t think I’m just complaining. ;)) Don’t get me wrong, I know that slack has to be picked up- the woman of the house left for crying out loud. But I have four sisters and three that live with me (the other has an apartment). I also have a brother, btw, but he does man-stuff. But anyway, I have three younger sisters that do not have a FRACTION of the amount of responsibilities or chores that I had when I was their age. The two older ones will be 17 in July and the youngest just turned 15 today. When I was TEN, ELEVEN, TWELVE at the LATEST, I was making dinner, mopping the floor, helping my mother with laundry, cleaning the entire refrigerator, doing my hair, cleaning the whole bathroom, etc. Like for real?? Seriously?! How is it that my sisters do not know how to properly do laundry, fold, make dinner, mop the floor, etc.? And it is because they are always babied and given help. No, they need to figure it out on their own. Learn by doing! I’m not going to be here forever!

And now that I’ve let out some steam, I should say that I need to be here. With my mother gone, no one else is going to carry the weight. It stinks… but it was going to happen to one of us. I just thank God for the strength. And through all the anger and frustration, I find joy in knowing that one day, this will all be for something! When I have a house of my own or a roommate or a husband or a family, I will easily be able to keep the house in order! I will be able to tolerate nonsense! I will be able to know how to handle any problem that happens in the house! (For the most part anyway.) I saw a picture today that read, “Keep going. Each step may get harder, but don’t stop. The view at the top is beautiful.” Yepp! When I cannot STAND one more second in this house or when I cannot STAND the unfairness that is happening, I know that when it is all over, it will all be worth it because it will be something beautiful! I will make a happy home! 🙂 Yay God! Haha, have to give all the glory to Him. Yesterday, today, and forever. Amen.

Oh, and…

HAPPY RESURRECTIONAL SUNDAY!!!!!!!

😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

CHRIST IS KING!!!!!!! CRISTO ES EL REY!!!!!!!

JESUS LIVES!!!!!! JESÚS VIVE!!!!!!

AMEN!!!!!! AMÉN!!!!!!

This Girl Right Here!

I cannot even express how much I LOVE God for sending me this WONDERFUL girl whom I call my BEST FRIEND!!! 🙂 Haha, I just get so happy when I think about it. She is the first friend I have ever had that can completely relate to me, who I can talk to about ANYTHING (anything… like anything) and for hours at a time, who I can come crying to, who I can come praising to, who I can come mad at the world to, who I can have a Bible study with, who I can have a full-out and passionate conversation about the Word with, who I can praise the good God Almighty on High with… She is just amazing and I am so thankful for her! I have been blessed with a best friend that I know will be with me everyday of this life and the next life in Heaven to come! Praise the LORD! Hallelujah! 😀 I just love this girl, haha. We are angels for life. ♥

“Ohhh, you’re my best friend.” 🙂

I Can’t Help It

Sitting here watching television with my sister… I can’t help it. I can’t wait for my life to unveil. “Veil” being the keyword. I know everything is unraveling, slowly but surely, but I can’t help but look way into the future. And it also makes me wonder (if you haven’t guessed, I am talking about marriage), how could anyone ever abuse their spouse? In whatever way… To mistreat their marriage? I just… I don’t understand. I mean, I get that not every marriage works out. I get that sometimes people realize that they were wrong. I get that not everyone truly knows who they marry. I get that things happen… but, I don’t know. It’s probably just my single 19 year-old ignorant view of it all but I feel that marriage is one of the greatest gifts in the world. It is not to be abused or misused or taken advantage of. If God blesses you with someone who loves you enough to marry you (and let’s hope that is the reason the person is marrying you) then how could you not do everything you do to cherish, love, and hold on to that person and your marriage?

Who knows… haven’t gotten there yet.

Think Again!

You crafty, crafty, nasty, nasty devil!

Ohhh, if you thought for a second that you had me, you are wrong. You are not even wrong- you are so wrong. You are beyond wrong! satan, I will tell you right now that if you think that you are going to use my, not loneliness, but solitude as an excuse for anything… oh no. Oh goodness, no. Think again, devil!

In NO way will I ever let you get the victory. Not in my life. Not in anyone’s life if I have a say in it! Nope. Nope. Noooope. Be gone. You’ve been rebuked. Dismissed. Thrown out! So you and all your little friends or minions or whatever may leave. kthanxxxx

Psalm 27 – An Exuberant Declaration of Faith

A Psalm of David

The LORD is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.

One thing I have desired of the LORD,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the LORD,
And to inquire in His temple.
For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.

Teach me Your way, O LORD,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

In The Morning

How many of ya’ll know Psalm 30:5? “Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY cometh in the morning.” Weeeeeell!!!

Alright, ya’ll, I don’t know what just happened but I feel so much better. SO much better. Like I’m fine. I am absolutely fine. There’s no pain, no tears, no nothing. Ahh. God is good. ^_^

I think the reason everything hit so hard last night was because of everything that has happened prior. Like my ex-boyfriend? Oh, if ya’ll think you know ANYTHING about what happened between us, you don’t know the half of it! I thought that was it. I thought I saw promise, and I did! But not the kind of promise anyone should have. But I tried- I tried to find something good. I tried to find a “godly” promise. It didn’t happen. Then, months later, with that other child I liked… I thought I saw promise. He even told me we would make a nice “couple.” Hm. Nope. Wrong again. But then, the next year, here we go… After everything said, wrong again. I was just tired of being wrong- I am tired of being wrong. Now, I do not see “promise” in everyone and Lord knows I am not just going to up and talk to some guy just because he talks to me. No. I very rarely even talk to guys. So when I actually feel or believe that good is going to come of something, it gets so disappointing when it doesn’t happen. And three times in a row, really? And oh, I was and am so close to asking myself, “What is wrong with me?” And sometimes, we really have to evaluate ourselves and see what we need to change. And more importantly, we need to ask God to remove anything in us that is not like Him or that does not glorify Him. (“Who can understand his errors? cleanse Thou me from from secret faults.” Psalm 19:12) But the way I was asking was not like that. No, I thought there was really something wrong with me! I mean, makes sense, right? All three of the people mentioned above have talked to me, been sweet on me, made me feel like I was the only girl ever in the world ever, and then ignored me or disrespected me or both. I mean, I must be doing something wrong, but there is nothing wrong with me. Do you see what I’m saying?

I am pretty disappointed though. But I’m not sure if it should be in myself or not. But all is well with me. One day everything will reveal itself!

Anyway, I do not know what God did or how He did it but I thank You, LORD and I am rejoicing! Praise the LORD! Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus! I am a FRIEND of God! Eres mi Amigo fiel!

All I Wanted

Forget it. Forget everything. I feel so stupid, so naïve, so dumb. I can’t believe that for a SECOND I actually thought that waiting would actually do something. To think that something so great could happen just like that? Oh, come on… And to think, all the thoughts and time I put into something that would just go away like everything else! So stupid. I wished and hoped and prayed but… nothing. Why did God allow me to go through this? I’m not shaking my fist at God, but really… I just want to know. Why? Maybe I wasn’t listening… maybe? All I wanted was a little and was given a LOT then had it taken away from me. I feel so stupid for actually thinking it would go somewhere. All I wanted was respect and I got it, but it was only temporary. Hmm… I really thought something good would come. I really, actually thought.

BUT GOD! I am a friend of God and I will die out to HIM. I will go through ANYTHING if in the end, God receives the glory because I know that He will sustain me and carry me through! He will heal me from head to toe, inside and out! To God be the glory in EVERY circumstance!

But don’t think I am strong. That is all God and to Him be the glory. Amen. I would love to sit here in my sadness and feel sorry for myself. It’s hard not to… but God.

Freaking Me Out

I don’t know why, but I am so nervous. I don’t know how, but the thought of being alone with the male found its way into my mind and now I am just so uncomfortable. I feel like I complain about this too much… but I wish somehow this could go away.

I’m Such A Girl

So Thursday after I got out of work, my day just went downhill. Everything was aggravating me and I’m not very pleasant when I’m aggravated. So I ask God for peace and I declare it and then I see the sky and the clouds and the sun (which I LOVE- they’re so beautiful) and I almost start crying because it was all so gorgeous! I said, “God, I can’t take this right now. I’m not emotionally stable!”

Haha, such a mess. Thought I’d share.

What Am I Doing…

I’m at that point right now where I don’t know anything. Hardly anything… I don’t know where to go to school anymore, really. I know what I want to do and I know that this is what God has called me to do (to be an elementary school Spanish teacher- ¡olé!). But choosing a school to transfer to AND stick with is so… what’s the word? I don’t know. But it requires a lot of time and effort and it is very stressful. This is practically my LIFE. Not even joking.

How am I supposed to make a decision on where to go for the next however many years that will lead me to my independent life afterwards? I’ve been praying about it and at first I was SO set on this school in Massachusetts (I live in Connecticut) but now when I think about it, I can’t leave. And what’s holding me back is my church family. I am not worried about finding a church or a great group on campus or anything (plus it is a Christian school) but it would be ridiculously hard to say goodbye. My angels! My deacons! My friends! And I’m friends with everybody- the youth and some older ladies. I just can’t go but I absolutely need to get out of here.

Hm.